Dirty Thirty blues
It’s no secret that society makes turning 30 is a big deal but no one told me that months before it would send me into a frenzy where the very thought of it would give me the blues.
29 started with me saying ima get my life together! I was yearning for stability yet still wanted to do what the hell I wanted. Balance. Somewhere in-between all of that my life became consumed with; early mornings, sleepless nights, sweaty palms, heart racing , self doubt, uncertainty, how, when , where, why, what’s my next move and how do I get there? My good friend Anxiety whom I thought I left in 2012 was back. I soon became worried about things I never once gave much thought to. I was feeling inadequate, unmotivated, lost, like I hadn’t checked off anything on my mental by 30 check list. No promising career, no property no spouse, not even a puppy but I did have the blues and it was obvious.
Listen, by 30 my parents were married 2 kids in and settled in with homes, cars and jobs and for me well I was just happy I could pay my bills and fly like the free bird I was whenever I felt like it. I was struggling between living for today vs. the future. Living for self without looking selfish vs.the approval of everyone else. Knowing when to give up vs. trusting the process. Needless to say I was a mess.
What I failed to realize was I wasn’t the only one who was having a mini crisis and more importantly I had overlooked all the fun and things I had done in my 20’s.
I overlooked the places I touched, people and opportunities I had. In my twenties I had been in love at least 3 times, traveled out of the country multiple times, moved to a new state, lived alone, attended carnival and played mass . I had paid off at least one student loan, paid off my car, pursued an acting career, couch surfed quit a job, launched a blog site . I had done a lot with so much more to do. Once I sat back and put everything into perspective I felt so much better. I can truly say I had fun in my twenties and did what I wanted to do . On my 30th birthday I decided that I would be intentional with everything, work hard and play even harder. I realized there was no need for all of the worry. I turned 30 and that was just that no earth shattering changes, no instant maturity, 30 grown woman weight lol or fun stripped away from me. Just a new mindset and a dash of wisdom.
So what did I do to silence the anxiety?
I began Taking life day by day.
Writing down plans and goals that I wanted for myself not anyone else.
Took note of the things I had accomplished no matter how small. Started writing what I was grateful for on a daily.
Decided to commit to action, disicipline and consistency for a year.
Reminded myself that I’m on God’s time nor does time define where I should be in life.
Started asking myself “does this make me happy” can I live with the decisions I’m making now in the future.
Besides Praying, meditating, drenching myself in coconut oil, i’ve learned to count my blessings, accept the struggle , trust the process ,and enjoy the reward.
Because Life is just getting started!